I remember waking up to the sound of rain, great; I had come away from the grey
cloudy shadow of the U.K to sit inside for a week whilst listing to the sound
of thunder and rain. By now I was bored of reading; this particular author
couldn't grab my attention by writing page after page about a teen vampire's
and humans impossible love. It was ridiculous trying to get attached to a
pointless book, so I trudged down to breakfast to find something that would
amuse me. Sitting with my parents at breakfast as they planned out their day
was more amusing then sitting in my room. I had taken a little drawing pad with
me down to breakfast, every so often my eyes would lift from the paper and
glance outside at the weather; it seemed to have gotten worse in a short amount
of time. I guess I took the Bude weather with me on holiday!
The wind started howling softly, slowly getting louder and louder until its
voice turned from a cats whine to a roar of a lion, everyone went silent.
Questions were being asked but answers were not being given; after fifteen
minutes the manager came out, he was sweating slightly, he looked worried as he
glanced at all of our eyes anxiously. His facial expression basically told us
there was bad news. Finally he managed to choke up the answer to all of our
questions, nearby there had been a hurricane and apparently it was heading
towards us. All of our faces dropped, chills ran down my spine, it was
predicted that because we are staying a beach hotel the sea could reach harmful
levels, which meant possible flooding.
That night I didn't sleep at all, I could hear the harsh winds beating against out windows trying to break in to reach my fear. It was weird, after all night of being frightened, I couldn't help but feel the excitement running around my body, just the general wonderment of what could happen, what will happen, I was scared of course, but excited? Defiantly. A sudden bolt of lightning ripped across the sky, jumping out of my skin I ran up to the window, I peered down at the beach to see it mostly covered by water. I feared of the hotel flooding; the rush of excitement came back into my mind. I know it sounds so strange, we're in the middle of the leftovers of a hurricane, we weren't allowed to leave the hotel, we couldn't go out in the strong winds, surely I should've been more scared then excited, but I guess the excitement just ruled over my fear.
After a few days the water died down back to normal, the winds broke out into sunlight, after days of being trapped in the hotel, we could finally leave. This was defiantly a holiday to remember, not for the fear; for the excitement.
By Rachael Gould
Lovely opening paragraph creating a sense of narrator. Use of semi-colons is mostly secure. Good use of metaphor and descriptive language. You may want to look at final semi-colon and consider revising to a comma. Very good. Level 5/6
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